Pauline Phillips, Flinty Adviser to Millions as Dear Abby, Dies at 94
January 19, 2013
Dear Abby: My wife sleeps in the raw. Then she showers, brushes her teeth and fixes our breakfast — still in the buff. We’re newlyweds and there are just the two of us, so I suppose there’s really nothing wrong with it. What do you think? — EdDear Ed: It’s O.K. with me. But tell her to put on an apron when she’s frying bacon.
Pauline Phillips, a California housewife who nearly 60 years ago, seeking something more meaningful than mah-jongg, transformed herself into the syndicated columnist Dear Abby — and in so doing became a trusted, tart-tongued adviser to tens of millions — died on Wednesday in Minneapolis. She was 94.
Her syndicate, Universal Uclick, announced her death on its Web site. Mrs. Phillips, who had been ill with Alzheimer’s disease for more than a decade, was a longtime resident of Beverly Hills, Calif., but lived in Minneapolis in recent years to be near family.
If Damon Runyon and Groucho Marx had gone jointly into the advice business, their column would have read much like Dear Abby’s. With her comic and flinty yet fundamentally sympathetic voice, Mrs. Phillips helped wrestle the advice column from its weepy Victorian past into a hard-nosed 20th-century present:
Dear Abby: I have always wanted to have my family history traced, but I can’t afford to spend a lot of money to do it. Have you any suggestions? — M. J. B. in Oakland, Calif.
Dear M. J. B.: Yes. Run for a public office.
Mrs. Phillips began her life as the columnist Abigail Van Buren in 1956. She quickly became known for her astringent, often genteelly risqué, replies to queries that included the marital, the medical and sometimes both at once:
Dear Abby: Are birth control pills deductible? — Bertie
Dear Bertie: Only if they don’t work.
She was also known for her long, much-publicized professional rivalry with her identical twin sister, the advice columnist Ann Landers.
Long before the Internet — and long before the pervasive electronic confessionals of Dr. Ruth, Dr. Phil, Dr. Laura, et al. — the Dear Abby column was a forum for the public discussion of private problems, read by tens of millions of people in hundreds of newspapers around the world.
It is difficult to overstate the column’s influence on American culture at midcentury and afterward: in popular parlance, Dear Abby was for decades an affectionate synonym for a trusted, if slightly campy, confidante.
Over the years, recording artists including the Hearts, John Prine and the Dead Kennedys have released a string of different songs titled “Dear Abby.”
Even now, Dear Abby’s reach is vast. (Mrs. Phillips’s daughter, Jeanne Phillips, took over the column unofficially in 1987 and officially in 2000.) According to Universal Uclick, Dear Abby appears in about 1,400 newspapers worldwide, has a daily readership of more than 110 million — in print and on its Web site, dearabby.com — and receives more than 10,000 letters and e-mails a week.
Politically left of center, Mrs. Phillips was generally conservative when it came to personal deportment. As late as the 1990s, she was reluctant to advise unmarried couples to live together. Yet beneath her crackling one-liners lay an imperturbable acceptance of the vagaries of modern life:
Dear Abby: Our son married a girl when he was in the service. They were married in February and she had an 8 1/2-pound baby girl in August. She said the baby was premature. Can an 8 1/2-pound baby be this premature? — Wanting to Know
Dear Wanting: The baby was on time. The wedding was late. Forget it.
Mrs. Phillips was also keen, genteelly, to keep pace with the times. In 1976, she confided to People magazine that she had recently seen an X-rated movie. Her sister, she learned afterward, had wanted to see it, too, but feared being recognized.
“How did you get away with it?” Ann Landers asked Dear Abby.
“Well,” Dear Abby replied breezily, “I just put on my dark glasses and my Ann Landers wig and went!”
The youngest of four sisters, Pauline Esther Friedman, familiarly known as Popo, was born in Sioux City, Iowa, on July 4, 1918. Her twin, Esther Pauline (known as Eppie), beat her into the world by 17 minutes, just as she would narrowly beat her into the advice business.
Their father, Abraham, was a Jewish immigrant from Vladivostok, Russia, who had made his start in the United States as an itinerant chicken peddler and, in an archetypal American success story, ended up owning a chain of movie theaters.
The twins attended Morningside College in Sioux City, where they both studied journalism and psychology and wrote a joint gossip column for the school paper.
As close as they were, the intense competitiveness that would later spill into the public arena was already apparent. “She wanted to be the first violin in the school orchestra, but I was,” Mrs. Phillips told Life magazine in 1958. “She swore she’d marry a millionaire, but I did.”
In 1939, Pauline Friedman left college to marry Morton Phillips, an heir to a liquor fortune. She was married in a lavish double ceremony alongside Eppie, who, not to be outdone, was wed on the same day to Jules Lederer, a salesman who later founded the Budget Rent A Car corporation.
As a young bride, Mrs. Phillips lived in Eau Claire, Wis., where her husband was an executive with the National Pressure Cooker Company, which his family had acquired.
“It never occurred to me that I’d have any kind of career,” Mrs. Phillips told The Los Angeles Times in 1986. “But after I was married, I thought, ‘There has to be something more to life than mah-jongg.’ ”
She took up civic work training hospital volunteers, an experience that helped lay the foundation for her future calling. “I learned how to listen,” Mrs. Phillips told The San Diego Union-Tribune in 1989. “Sometimes, when people come to you with a problem, the best thing you can do is listen.”
In 1955, Mrs. Phillips’s twin, now Eppie Lederer, took over the Ann Landers column for The Chicago Sun-Times. A rank beginner soon swamped by a flood of mail, she began sending batches of letters to her sister — for advice, as it were.
“I provided the sharp answers,” Mrs. Phillips told The Ladies’ Home Journal in 1981. “I’d say, ‘You’re writing too long (she still does), and this is the way I’d say it.’ ” She added, “My stuff was published — and it looked awfully good in print.”
So good that when The Sun-Times later forbade Mrs. Lederer to send letters out of the office, Mrs. Phillips, by this time living in the Bay Area, vowed to find a column of her own.
She phoned The San Francisco Chronicle, identifying herself as a local housewife who thought she could do better than the advice columnist the paper already had. “If you’re ever in the neighborhood,” the features editor said rhetorically, “come in and see me.”
Mrs. Phillips took him at his word and the next morning appeared unannounced in the newsroom in a Dior dress. She prudently left her chauffeured Cadillac around the corner.
If only to get rid of her, the editor handed her a stack of back issues, telling her to compose her own replies to the letters in the advice column. She did so in characteristic style and dropped off her answers at the paper. She arrived home to a ringing telephone. The job was hers — at $20 a week.
Mrs. Phillips chose her pen name herself, taking Abigail after the prophetess in the Book of Samuel (“Then David said to Abigail ‘Blessed is your advice and blessed are you’ ”) and Van Buren for its old-family, presidential ring. Her first column appeared on Jan. 9, 1956, less than three months after her sister’s debut.
An immediate success, the column was quickly syndicated. But with Mrs. Phillips’s growing renown came a growing estrangement from her twin, as Dear Abby and Ann Landers battled each other in syndication. According to many accounts, the sisters did not speak for five years, reconciling only in the mid-1960s.
Mrs. Lederer died in 2002, at 83. In addition to her daughter, Jeanne, Mrs. Phillips is survived by her husband of 73 years, Mort Phillips; four grandchildren; and two great-grandchildren. A son, Edward, died in 2011 at 66.
Dear Abby: Two men who claim to be father and adopted son just bought an old mansion across the street and fixed it up. We notice a very suspicious mixture of company coming and going at all hours — blacks, whites, Orientals, women who look like men and men who look like women. This has always been considered one of the finest sections of San Francisco, and these weirdos are giving it a bad name. How can we improve the neighborhood? — Nob Hill Residents
Dear Residents: You could move.
葆琳·菲利普斯|1918-2013
美國《親愛的艾比》專欄作者去世
報道 2013年01月19日
John Gaps III/Associated Press
長年撰寫《親愛的艾比》專欄的葆琳·菲利普斯（左）和以安·蘭德斯的筆名寫專欄的孿生姐姐埃佩·萊德勒。圖為1986年兩人在畢業50年的中學同學聚會上。Pauline Phillips, left, who wrote an advice column as Dear Abby, with
her twin sister, Eppie Lederer, who wrote a column as Ann Landers, in
1986 at their 50th high school reunion.
親愛的艾比：我的妻子總是裸睡。然後她洗澡、刷牙、做我們的早飯，還是一絲不掛。我們是新婚，家裡只有我們兩個人，所以我想這樣也沒什麼不對。你怎麼想呢？——埃德(Ed)葆琳·菲利普斯(Pauline Phillips)是一位加利福尼亞的家庭主婦，將近60年前，她開始嘗試一種比打麻將更有意義的生活，於是變身成為在多家報紙擁有專欄的作家“親愛的艾 比”。通過寫專欄，她成為數千萬人信任的、言辭犀利的顧問。菲利普斯於周三在明尼阿波利斯去世，終年94歲。
親愛的埃德：我沒覺得有什麼問題。但是告訴她，煎培根的時候記得戴上圍裙。
她的經紀公司Universal Uclick在其網站上宣布了她的死訊。在過去十多年裡，菲利普斯身患老年痴呆症，她曾常年居住在加利福尼亞的比弗利山，但近年來，她住在明尼阿波利斯，好離家人近一些。
如果戴蒙·魯尼恩(Damon Runyon)和格勞喬·馬克斯(Groucho Marx)曾聯手寫讀者來信，他們的專欄讀起來應該會像“親愛的艾比”的專欄。她的語調幽默、堅定，但其實卻充滿同情，菲利普斯推動了讀者來信這個專欄的 發展，告別惺惺作態的維多利亞時代，進入了硬朗務實的二十世紀。
親愛的艾比：我一直想追溯我的家族史，但我拿不出很多錢來這麼做。你有什麼建議嗎？——M.J.B., 加利福尼亞州奧克蘭菲利普斯1956年開始撰寫她的專欄，筆名艾比蓋爾·馮布倫(Abigail Van Buren)。收到的提問有關於婚姻的，有關於醫療的，有時二者兼而有之。她以犀利優雅、亦莊亦諧的筆調回答這些問題，很快名聲鵲起。
親愛的M.J.B.：是的，競選公職吧。
親愛的艾比：避孕藥支出可以扣稅嗎？——伯蒂(Bertie)她也因職業上長期、公開地與孿生姐姐、讀者來信專欄作家安·蘭德斯(Ann Landers)競爭而出名。
親愛的伯蒂：只有在它們不起作用的時候。
早在有互聯網之前，早在如今無處不在的諸如魯思(Ruth)醫生、菲爾(Phil)醫生、勞拉(Laura)醫生的電子告解室出現之前，《親愛的艾比》專欄曾是一個公開討論私密問題的平台，她的讀者數以千萬計、遍及世界各地，數百份報紙上都可閱讀到她的專欄。
在上世紀中葉及以後，說到這個專欄對美國文化的影響，無論怎麼形容可能都不過分：在流行語中，幾十年里，“親愛的艾比”成了密友的同義詞，這位充滿愛心的朋友值得信賴、雖然或許有點狎昵，但可以分享秘密。
多年來，包括心樂隊(Hearts)、約翰·普賴恩(John Prine)和死肯尼迪樂隊(Dead Kennedys)在內的創作型藝人都推出過不同的名為《親愛的艾比》的歌曲。
即使是現在，《親愛的艾比》影響依然廣泛。（菲利普斯的女兒珍妮·菲利普斯於1987年非正式地接管了這一專欄，2000年正式接管。）據 Universal Uclick說，《親愛的艾比》出現在世界上大約1400份報紙上，每日的讀者人數超過1.1億——包括報紙和它的網站dearabby.com——每周 收到超過1萬封信件和電子郵件。
菲利普斯的政治立場中偏左，涉及個人作風的問題上，她通常比較保守。甚至到20世紀90年代，她還是不願意建議未婚情侶同居。然而，在她乾脆一句話答覆的後面，是對變化莫測的現代生活的冷靜接受：
親愛的艾比：我們的兒子在服軍役時娶了一個女孩兒。他們在2月份結婚，她在8月份生下一個8.5磅（約合3.86公斤）的女嬰。她說嬰兒是早產了。但一個8.5磅重的嬰兒有可能早產這麼多嗎？——想知道(Wanting to Know)菲利普斯也熱衷於與時俱進——以她從容的方式。1976年，她對《人物》(People)雜誌坦率承認，她最近看了一部三級片。她後來知道，她的姐姐也曾想看，但是害怕被認出來。
親愛的想：孩子是足月的。婚禮晚了。別想了。
“你是怎麼躲過去的？”安·蘭德斯問親愛的艾比。
“這個嘛，”親愛的艾比輕快地回答，“我就是戴上了墨鏡，還有我的安·蘭德斯假髮，就這麼去了。”
葆琳·埃絲特·弗里德曼(Pauline Esther Friedman)在1918年7月4日生於愛荷華州蘇城，是四個姐妹中最小的一個，熟悉她的人稱她為波波(Popo)。她的雙胞胎姐妹埃絲特·葆琳 （Esther Pauline，通常被稱為埃佩Eppie）比她早來這個世界17分鐘，寫專欄也只比她早一點。
她們的父親亞伯拉罕(Abraham)是一位來自於俄羅斯符拉迪沃斯托克的猶太移民，在美國，他從在大街小巷賣雞開始，白手起家，直到最後成了電影院線的老闆，成就了又一個典型的美國人的成功故事。
這對雙胞胎曾一起就讀於蘇城莫寧賽德學院(Morningside College)，都選擇攻讀新聞學和心理學專業，並一起為校報的一個八卦專欄撰文。
雖然她們關係親密，但相互之間的激烈競爭那時已十分明顯，這種競爭日後還上升到了公開化的地步。1958年，菲利普斯在接受《生活》(Life)雜 誌採訪時說，“她想成為學校管弦樂團里的第一小提琴手，但那時我是第一小提琴手。她發誓要嫁給百萬富豪，但我卻嫁了一個富翁。”
1939年，葆琳·弗里德曼離開學校，嫁給了一個大型酒業公司的繼承人莫頓·菲利普斯(Morton Phillips)。在她舉行婚禮的同一天，埃佩不甘下風，也和銷售員朱爾斯·萊德勒(Jules Lederer)完婚，雙喜婚禮十分奢華。萊德勒後來成立了巴吉租車公司(Budget Rent A Car)。
年輕的新娘菲利普斯婚後居住在威斯康星州的歐克萊爾，她的丈夫在其家族收購的國家壓力鍋公司(National Pressure Cooker Company)擔任高級經理。
1986年菲利普斯告訴《洛杉磯時報》(The Los Angeles Times)，“我從沒想過自己會從事任何職業，但婚後，我想‘生活里應該還有比打麻將更有意義的事情’。”
她參加社會服務，為醫院的志願者做培訓，這一經歷為她未來的事業打下了基礎。1989年菲利普斯告訴《聖地亞哥聯合論壇報》(The San Diego Union-Tribune)，“我學會了傾聽，有時人們帶着問題來找你，你能做的最好的事就是傾聽。”
1955年，菲利普斯的雙胞胎姐姐，現在叫埃佩·萊德勒(Eppie Lederer)，接手了《芝加哥太陽報》(The Chicago Sun-Times)的《安·蘭德斯》專欄。很快，這位新手就因為洪水般湧來的信件而忙得不可開交，她開始將大批信件轉寄給她的妹妹，算是聽取她的意見。
1981年，菲利普斯在接受《婦女家庭雜誌》(Ladies’ Home Journal)的採訪時稱，“我提供機智的回答，我會告訴她，‘你寫的太長了（她現在依然如此），我會這麼說。’”她補充說，“我寫的東西被發表了，印出來後，看上去棒極了。”
她寫得如此之好，以至於到後來當《太陽報》禁止埃佩把讀者來信寄出辦公室時，當時住在舊金山灣區的菲利普斯發誓要找到一個自己的專欄。
她給《舊金山紀事報》(San Francisco Chronicle)打電話，稱自己是當地的一個家庭主婦，她認為自己能比該報已有的讀者來信專欄作家寫得好。“如果你什麼時候到附近來，就過來見個面吧，”特刊的編輯客氣地說。
菲利普斯當真了，第二天早上穿着一套迪奧裙裝直接來到了編輯部。她小心地將自己配有司機的凱迪拉克(Cadillac)汽車停在了轉角處。
可能只是為了擺脫她，編輯給了她一堆舊報，告訴她要針對讀者來信專欄內的信件寫出自己的回復。她以自己的風格回答了來信，把回復留在了報社。她一到家就聽到電話響。她得到了這份工作，每周20美元。
菲利普斯自己選了筆名，她從《撒母耳記》(Book of Samuel)一書中選取了女預言家艾比蓋爾(Abigail)這個名字（大衛對艾比蓋爾說，“你的建議是當受祝頌的，你是當受祝頌的。”），然後選了范 布倫(Van Buren)，因為這個名字聽上去像來自古老的家族、有點總統范兒。她的第一個專欄於1956年1月9日見報，與她姐姐第一次發表專欄的時間相差不到三個 月。
她的專欄一炮打響，很快在多家報紙上出版。但隨着菲利普斯的名氣越來越大，她和她的雙胞胎姐姐之間的關係卻日益疏遠，《親愛的艾比》和《安·蘭德斯》兩個專欄相互競爭。根據多方的描述，這對姐妹曾經有五年時間不講話，到20世紀60年代中才重修舊好。
2002年埃佩去世，享年83歲。菲利普斯去世後，身後留下一女簡妮，結婚73年的丈夫莫頓·菲利普斯，四個孫輩和兩個重孫。她的兒子愛德華2011年去世，享年66歲。
親愛的艾比：兩個自稱是父親和養子關係的男人在對面買了座舊的大宅，並裝修一新。我們注意到他們家什麼時候都有一群可疑的人進進出出，這些 人里有黑人、白人、東方人、看上去像男人的女人和像女人的男人。這裡一直是舊金山最好的社區之一，現在這些怪人卻為這裡帶來了惡名。我們該怎樣改善這個社 區呢？—— 諾布山居民
親愛的居民：你可以搬家。
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