2015年9月12日 星期六

"The General in His Labyrinth" By Gabriel García Márquez ;大將軍張宗昌詩集


大將軍張宗昌詩集(不許笑,笑就槍斃!)

2015-09-11 全球奇觀
張宗昌(1881年—1932年),字效坤,山東省掖縣人。綽號“狗肉將軍”、“混世魔王”、“三不知將軍”、“五毒大將軍”、“張三多”等。奉系軍閥頭目之一。

張宗昌嗜賭成癖,終日與骨牌為伍,當地人稱玩牌九叫“吃狗肉”,所以人稱“狗肉將軍”;還稱“三不知將軍”——不知道自己有多少姨太太、不知道自己多少條槍、不知道自己有多少錢。

張宗昌覺得自己既然身為孔聖人的父母官,不帶點斯文,枉來山東一趟。於是拜師學藝,一番苦練之後,自認功力大進,不久便出版一本詩集,分送諸友同好。看了不許笑哈,不然將軍要發怒~~

遊泰山
遠看泰山黑糊糊,上頭細來下頭粗。
如把泰山倒過來,下頭細來上頭粗。

笑劉邦
聽說項羽力拔山,嚇得劉邦就要竄。
不是俺家小張良,奶奶早已回沛縣。

注:奶奶應讀作一聲,以罵人的話入詩,真是狗肉將軍本色。

俺也寫個大風的歌
大砲開兮轟他娘,威加海內兮回家鄉。
數英雄兮張宗昌,安得巨鯨兮吞扶桑。

大明湖
大明湖,明湖大,
大明湖里有荷花,
荷花上面有蛤蟆,
一戳一蹦達。

詠閃電
忽見天上一火鏈,好像玉皇要抽煙。
如果玉皇不抽煙,為何又是一火鏈。

遊蓬萊閣
好個蓬萊閣,
他媽真不錯。
神仙能到的,
俺也坐一坐。
靠窗擺下酒,
對海唱高歌。
來來猜幾拳,
舅子怕喝多!

遊趵突泉
趵突泉,泉趵突,
三個眼子一般粗,
三股水,光咕嘟,
咕嘟咕嘟光咕嘟

注:張宗昌有次在大明湖,隨從為他講了劉鶚、杜甫等對濟南風光的評價,張宗昌沒頭沒腦地問:“杜甫是誰?他會打炮麼?”在趵突泉,有人向他誦讀和講解了一些詩聯:“雲霧潤蒸華不注,波濤聲震大明湖。”張宗昌聽不懂,不耐煩地說:“什麼他娘的狗屁詩!老子一句也聽不懂!看俺張大帥做一首來。”於是,順口胡謅出這首詩,隨行人等聽了,笑不敢笑,只好敷衍:“好,好,好。”

無題
要問女人有幾何,
俺也不知多少個。
昨天一孩喊俺爹,
不知他娘是哪個?

求雨
玉皇爺爺也姓張,
為啥為難俺張宗昌?
三天之內不下雨,
先扒龍皇廟,
再用大砲轟你娘!

破冰歌
看見地上一條縫,
灌上涼水就上凍。
如果不是凍化了,
誰知這裡有條縫

詠雪
什麼東西天上飛,
東一堆來西一堆;
莫非玉皇蓋金殿,
篩石灰呀篩石灰。

雪日大便
大雪紛紛下
老鴰啃樹皮
風吹屁股冷
不如在屋裡

網友對將軍詩作的評論:比梨花體強多了~~

Everyman's Library
“I'm old, sick, tired, disillusioned, harassed, slandered, and unappreciated.”
― from "The General in His Labyrinth" By Gabriel García Márquez
Gabriel García Márquez’s most political novel is the tragic story of General Simón Bolívar, the man who tried to unite a continent. Bolívar, known in six Latin American countries as the Liberator, is one of the most revered heroes of the western hemisphere; in García Márquez’s brilliant reimagining he is magnificently flawed as well. The novel follows Bolívar as he takes his final journey in 1830 down the Magdalena River toward the sea, revisiting the scenes of his former glory and lamenting his lost dream of an alliance of American nations. Forced from power, dogged by assassins, and prematurely aged and wasted by a fatal illness, the General is still a remarkably vital and mercurial man. He seems to remain alive by the sheer force of will that led him to so many victories in the battlefields and love affairs of his past. As he wanders in the labyrinth of his failing powers–and still-powerful memories–he defies his impending death until the last.

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